N. O. Those two little letters independently don't really mean much, but when the two of them get together it can be really disheartening. Being told no can feel like an abrupt stop to all of your forward movement and aspirations. Whether it is being told no for a research opportunity, internship application, or job offer; hearing no often leaves one feeling disappointed, crushed, or even angry. I think the hardest part of hearing no is taking a moment to settle yourself and then remember that a 'NO' isn't always about you.
Sometimes it is "NO, this isn't the right time," or it could be "NO, this isn't the best place," maybe even "NO, we don't think we would be a good match for you." Rejection is really tough and when you start to feel like you are always being told 'NO' it gets even tougher to stay positive. Below are the biggest take-aways I have after working with those aspiring to become a CCLS or looking for child life jobs after you've heard no.
1.) BREATHE. Take a big, s l o w, deep breath and then let it go. When you let that breath go, let that 'NO' go too. Holding it inside you and letting it eat away at you doesn't help you move forward. It's okay to re-visit the feelings in small little spurts when needed, but don't live in the no.
2.) Look for small successes. Did you make it further in a selection process than you have in the past? Did you learn something about what you are really looking for in your future work? Are you able to make changes to your engagement so that you can get a yes the next time? There is always something positive that you can point out after experiencing a no. Recognize those successes too, don't let them be overshadowed by a no.
3.) Take time for tough reflections. This one is definitely the hardest because it is tough to be honest with yourself. Maybe you didn't pass the certification test again after a try or two, do you want to continue spending the time, money, and energy on taking it again or should you adjust your scope for a bit and come back later? What if you applied for internships a second time and still didn't receive one? Can you emotionally, physically, and financially continue to pursue an internship in child life at this time? It is HARD to ask the questions that you maybe don't really want to answer, but it can be even harder to continue on a path that continues to feel like a downward spiral. Taking a break doesn't mean you have to give up on your pursuit! It simply means you are practicing self care and giving yourself a break. Then you can pick back up, if you so choose, and look at things with a fresh perspective and with renewed vigor.
How do you deal with the 'NO' in your student or professional life? What things have you found supportive in working through those 'NO' times?
-K
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