Providing grief support can be strenuous and I almost always find it to be somewhat emotionally taxing but, that's what self-care and co-workers support are for. Grief and bereavement support is exceptionally important, and sometimes this work we do with siblings in the hospital is the only grief support some kids will receive.
When I work with with a family during this time my priority is to go at their pace. I need to meet them where they are at in this journey and take the time to learn about their culture, values, and beliefs. If parent's agree to, or ask for, support for siblings I aim to provide services that are in line with family norms. If this means that the family doesn't want 'God' or 'Heaven' mentioned then I don't say them and other things of that sort. The few things I don't waiver on are saying the words death or died and reviewing how the body stopped working to reduce feelings of guilt/fault. If parent's have a hard time with either of these things I share with them the reasons for why providing that information is vital to children's understanding.
It is important to build a relationship with siblings prior to beginning a death conversation. I need to show the kids that I am a trustworthy and safe adult to talk about this subject with, I also need to establish that I am a safe person to ask questions of that they may not be comfortable asking others. I like to utilize age appropriate books during my work, check out this blog post where I review some books I use in the hospital. Often times I will find a quiet, private space to read with or to siblings. I also like to provide expressive activities so that siblings can show caregivers how they are feeling without using words. Throughout this work I always encourage kids to ask questions. Sometimes if I can't answer a question because it considers a topic more suited to family discussion I will write the question down for the child to ask caregivers later. Lastly, I always try to provide caregivers with information about supports available in the community. As Child Life Specialists we can do a lot to help with the first steps of the grief process, but it is important for families to know that they aren't alone once they leave our hospital doors. What other things do you think are important for sibling grief support?
-K
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