There is a point in life where you have to take a leap of faith..... my recent leap has felt more like going cliff diving though. The idea of it is super exhilarating and it's fun to think of how great the experience will be, but then you find yourself with your toes dangling off the edge of some huge rock and you freeze. Is this something that someone should really be doing? Is it actually worth the risk to do it? It takes a moment, but then you decide and next thing you know you're free falling while screaming because OH MY GOD YOU DID IT!!
In my real life I didn't jump off a cliff, I decided to quit complaining about my current job and get a new one. In my work as a child life specialist... all 10 months of it, I discovered a new thing about myself. I need to feel inspired to have passion. I was all bright and shiny at the outset of this position because I was fresh off of an amazing internship and couldn't believe I had landed a full time job before even completing my internship. It was very much the rush that I imagine cliff diving would be. Butttt as soon as the bright and shiny-ness wore off I realized I had landed myself in a place where I was isolated from friends and family, in a department that has no real direction or leadership, and that I was without anything to push me anymore. Let me tell you, it was a not great place to be.
When you find yourself in such a not great place while at the same time doing the one thing you have been aspiring towards for upwards of five years, it leaves a real bad taste in your mouth. So I started climbing my cliff. I started trying to make improvements and build things up for myself, all the while having people trying to tell me "stop climbing!" The more I heard the stop climbing motif the more I felt the urge to climb but while I was doing that I was complaining.... cause you know, climbing is tough work. Finally I reached the top and I came to the moment of standing with my toes over the ledge. This was the point where I had to decide whether or not I was going to continue complaining and face the even bigger mountain behind me, or take the leap and dive on in.
I jumped. I took a new job, at a new hospital, and now I'm waiting for the splash.
I don't know if it will be a decision that pays off, I surely hope it does. But, I had to ask myself the question, do I want to just keep surviving here or do I want to be thriving? I want to be enthusiastic about going to work everyday and being a Child Life Specialist. I want to have passion again. So I took my leap, will you take yours?
-K
Comments