Today was a difficult day. I left work feeling unsatisfied with what I did today, has this ever happened to you? I was called to help with siblings for a bereavement in the ICU. This was the first time that I have provided this service since transitioning to this new hospital, so I felt woefully unaware of resources typically utilized. In this situation I didn't know anything about the patient or family. I had never met this family before and was asked to talk to their other children at a time in which the family is most vulnerable. I felt like I had a HUGE weight on my shoulders. I had to go meet this family, learn their wishes for telling siblings about the patient's impending death, build rapport with these siblings, and then provide bereavement support to them.... that is a heft list of things to manage in the short amount of time I was given.
I conversed with the family to learn what I could and then attempted to engage with the siblings so that I could build some sort of a trusting relationship, as brief as it may be. I provided the siblings with the developmentally appropriate information that I always do when talking about death. I made sure to tailor the information to this specific family and the death they were experiencing. I did all the things I have always done to provide support to kids and their families, BUT I still feel unsatisfied with my work.
I wish that I could have met the parents and the siblings prior to them having to make the decision to stop supportive efforts. I wish that someone from the Child Life team was able to connect with this family prior to this time, so I would have that relationship to build on. I wish that I had known about resources typically used by the ICU Child Life Specialist when they are in this situation. I wish that I had a better understanding of bereavement protocol at this new hospital than I do. These were all things that contributed to my lack of satisfaction when I left work tonight.
What do you do when you have these feelings? Thankfully, for me, these don't happen often. When they do though, there are always things to be done that can help resolve your feelings about it and make changes for the future. The first thing I did was seek out information from coworkers. I had a lot of unknowns that I was faced with in this situation because I am new to this organization. I now have answers to questions that I didn't before. The next thing I did was write down the things that I did well during this interaction, it is so helpful to engage in positive reframing. What is most helpful to me during a time like this though is the affirmation that I did help a family, in a small or minuscule way, I helped a family do something they didn't think they could do. This family doesn't know what is "typically" done to support others in this situation. The siblings don't know what resources are typically used to aid in understanding. This family received help from me and they will not know any different.
I helped a family today, and THAT is something I can be satisfied with.
-K
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